“We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.”
After spending several summers alone (for the most part), you begin to look at yourself in a different way. Your able to understand things differently and REALLY, I mean REALLY get to know yourself and what you want out of life. The first time I that I experienced this 'Soul Searching' was the summer of 2008. My first roommate had moved and I had a lot of time to think. For a while I felt alone. I would go to work and come home, stay inside and sulk. Halfway through the summer I realized that I was hurting no one but myself and that I did not like the person I had become. I started going to the pool and out with other friends who were still around and made an effort to analyze myself and who I wanted to be when I had a free moment to myself. That Summer was an eye opener for me and I will never forget how strong I had become by the end of it. At the beginning I felt as though I was lost and no one cared about me or what I did but if you can believe it, I believe that that summer was the beginning of the Ashley I had always been but didn't have the courage to show.
The Summer of 2009 was also a HUGE STEP for me. Earlier in the year I had broken up with my long time boyfriend and for the Summer...definitely wanted a change of scenery. The beginning of the Summer was great! I hung out with new friends, was always busy and had also planned a trip of a lifetime. I did something I thought I would never do, on a random day, I decided that I would go...actually go to Greece!!! After much talk with a few close friends - we thought WHY NOT???? So for 18 days, we backpacked across several islands of Greece and it was AMAZING!!! I am SO GLAD that I made a decision that changed my life for the better. You never know when or if you'll ever get to do those things on your bucket list, so CARPE DIEM!!! Seize the day, cause you'll never know when it will be your last. And if that is the only thing I learned in my Summer alone, it was well worth it and a lesson that not everyone has experienced.
All of this brings me up to the current Summer of 2010. Every day I go to work, then go home, alone. And you know what. That is totally OKAY with me! As I've gotten older, I have grown to enjoy those afternoons alone with my thoughts, or being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. EVEN if that means just laying on the couch and watching TV. I constantly yearn for things to slow down. And even though I desperately miss my friends and family (and Agan - lol) I make up for it on the weekends. Most weekends are spent at home around the pool with great food and family, which are the perfect end to my work week. On the weekends I'm not home, I lounge around the pool right by my lonesome and enjoy a good book. Either or work for me.
No matter where you are in your life, or where you want to be, it has taken me 3 long Summers to realize that I enjoy both time alone and time with others. And they each have a time when appropriate. I have had to learn to make decision about when those times are when necessary and that I NEED to ENJOY every minute of life. It's short, so why not make the best of it! We should all think about that the next time we say no or maybe. Just do it, spend some time with your friends and spend sometime with yourself, finding out WHO you really are and WHAT you really want out of life...It will take your breath away.
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